July 30 2014

Let me live, love, and say it all in good sentences

smariSummer arrived in Lithuania, sun is shining like in my country and People enjoy it. We all were waiting for this… I started to write this post and feel a smell of rain; I think it’s going to rain today. My mood is not changing by weather but I can say that right now I feel very nostalgic and strange.
Yesterday I was chatting with my nice and she write with a happy smile “31 days left” … In this moment I open a calendar and looked at the date of my departure. Yes, that’s true. Only one month left, in my face appeared a sad or batter will be a nostalgic smile, I was looking to trees today which were making sound by wind and sun was shining between the leaves. I take a deep breath and made a promise one more time, to myself that I must come back here, one day. In novel “Little prince” the fox is saying to him “You become responsible forever for what you’ve tamed.” And we must remember this…

In Lithuania I have people, my people. I can’t just go back in Georgia and pretend that nothing happened, or it was just one year experience. One year can change a lot, “One kind word can warm three winter months.” And in this one year was more than hundred kind words, days; moments … They will stay in my heart forever. I made myself to be sick with such illness to wish being in two places at the same time : ) maybe that will give me more strength to fight in live and make it happen. Of course I can’t teleport but I can find way how to find way and keep all people together and don’t lose them. To come and live in a place where no one knows you have both side: bad that you miss friends and family and good – you can start from the new page… find yourself, choose what kind of person you want to be. Its risk that you will change, I mean by mentioning risk in bad way, that you may lose yourself a bit, but if you want, you will find it again and more, you will improve your personality…
I always say fear is “bullshit”  but there are moments when I am afraid too, “what will be when I go back?” … I miss so many stuffs in Georgia, I am afraid not to feel like stranger there… yes sometimes such thoughts are coming and in such moments I always write…
One week I was away from Rietavas to my last trip during evs, I had one of the best journeys, with a lot of funny and awesome moments. I was feeling fantastic. On my way back to Lithuania, standing in front of my gate, people was coming to stand in queue and I hear how they speak in Lithuanian. I was feeling so emotional, so happy… the same like I felt in Klaipeda, shopping center, when I hear Georgian words. I was looking at my passport, at words, writing in golden color GEORGIA – Sakartvelo and smiling. I wanted to share my feeling or hug that little Lithuanian boy who was singing some song… but I understand that I can’t explain that to anyone, It’s inside of me… in my heart… so all I did was smiling at this boy and telling him in Lithuanian that he was very clever and nice singer  Such feeling I had every time, coming back from my trips and from bus window, looking the road and suddenly I seeing two tower of the church. The same will be when I will see Georgian TV tower in Tbilisi, which I used to look every day and night from my balcony… that is how you understand that you fell in love with the people and place where you spend one year.
Today I catch myself in looking to everyone like I never see them again, like something is ending… “I took a deep breath and listened to the old brag of my heart. I am, I am, I am” I am a rich girl with a lot of dreams and full of love. This is just beginning… and nothing will end while I have that 365 days in my memories.
Soon the “game of Domeniko” will be over… Mariam will come back from somewhere… somewhere called Lithuania.

Rietavo atviras jaunimo centras.

Posted 2014 07 30 by Tadas in category "Savanorių istorijos